Vance and the Haitians

there's a reason Vance is fixated on the Haitian diet, and it ain't very nice

More on that NYT story the peoples of the Americas and the world have all been disgusted by, about JD Vance eating immigrant babies (in the GOP tradition of baby-eating). He now says he prefers immigrants of color. He especially craves Haitian babies, because, while he likes Creole spices, he prefers them earlier in life before they’ve built up too many Scovilles (SHUs).

famous baby-eating power couple of the “far right,” now known as the “GOP”

JD Vance is the author of the fictional autobiography, Hillbilly Elegy, in which he admits to chronic self-abuse during fantasies about sodomizing US colonial patriot Ethan Allen. Let’s be clear: he is not alone in this infanticidal cannibalistic practice of the Republican Party and its far right allies. Donald Dump, convicted felon and former clogger of the White House presidential toilets (fact-checked!), is well-known to eat anything battered and deep-fried. Battered children are his favorite. He can’t handle much spice, though. It’s one of his ethnic traits. Others are smelling like a corpse flower and making sex workers consider a career change to freelance castration.

a prison immigrant trick-or-treating to get a government-supplied sex change operation

The Haitian community is rightfully frustrated at a lack of law enforcement action. They were saving those babies for later. Like at least sixteen to eighteen years later, when they could really start bringing some money into the household, maybe through work in music, acting, medicine, law, aviation—or maybe do some decent cooking. Maybe even become high-earning TikTok or YouTube influencers. And of course contribute to the Haitian community by contributing more Haitians.

So when some white guy or a pudgy werewolf starts consuming their children, it’s no wonder that people of color, who were at first persuaded Haitians were eating people’s pets, are now, with Vance’s latest culinary peccadillo coming to light, considering settling for the non-cannibalistic presidential ticket. They’ve been impressed by the dignity under which the Democrats cloak their racism, anti-poor policies, and international death-profiteering. Vance, of course, became a laughingstock when video appeared showing him failing to act human Earthling in a doughnut shop.

Whether or not his eating of Haitian babies, or other immigrant infants, glazed or custard-filled, can somehow be turned to his advantage remains up to the legacy prestige media and how much worse they can suck.

*NYT= Nice Yosephus Times – ed